For Normanee (Alistair/F!Tabris)
Ages ago, Normanee asked for some “Tabris fluff.” Here you go :)
———————————-
Kallian pushed Zevran’s hands away and flung her daggers to the ground. “I’m just no good at this!”
She couldn’t fight it anymore. She knew she was pouting. Growing up she’d always been a good kid, never one to cry or complain or flounce about when she didn’t get her way. But this was frustrating. And dangerous. Why couldn’t she get the hang of this? Why did everything have to be such a struggle?
“Nothing’s going right, Zev.” She muttered half under her breath. “Vaughn ruined my life. If I hadn’t already killed him, I’d want to kill him all over again.”
“Patience, my dear.” Zevran draped an arm around her shoulders and walked her slowly toward the campfire. “When you fight, you must strike like a snake, yes. But for now…take things a bit more slowly. Accuracy, then speed! It will come.”
“But I need speed now.” She shrugged him off and rubbed gingerly at her thigh. Three days ago an ogre had slammed his foot into her, and she’d been sporting a purple-and-green bruise the size of a watermelon ever since. “If I don’t learn soon, I’ll not only be useless against the Blight, you guys will have to bury me roadside on your way to Orzammar.”
“I will be honest. You were not born to this,” the elf said. “But all is not lost. Focus on your traps, your bombs. Practice each day with your bow. Be sure your arrows are always poisoned. Not everyone is made for fighting at close range. And not everyone must be.”
He was trying to make her feel better, but instead of thanking him, she wanted to punch him. What a gutless wonder she was. Whiny, irrational, unfair…
She brought her downcast eyes up to meet his. “Thanks, Zevran. I’m sorry. I try to keep my anger under control, I really do. I just…reached my limit today.”
“It happens to all of us, sometimes.” He gave her a warm grin. “Let us continue tomorrow. Perhaps with a good meal in your belly, and a full night’s sleep…” He paused and glanced at Alistair, who was chatting on the other side of the fire with Leliana. “…or not…you will be a new woman tomorrow, yes?”
She sighed. “I hope so.”
Zevran frowned at her from beneath a blond, furrowed brow.
“Yes! All right.”
***
“What’s wrong, Kal? You’re knotted up like a shipmaster’s rope.”
She lay face down on her bedroll, shirtless, with Alistair straddling her back. Strong hands kneaded her shoulders. Knuckles pressed gently into her aching muscles, up and down the sides of her spine. Wonderful. Luckily, the bulk of him rested on his own knees and heels. Maker, was he heavy.
“You heard me out there.” Her last words escaped in a rush as he massaged the air right out of her. She could hardly talk, but his fingers were doing such marvelous things, there was no way she was going to ask him to get off her for something as trifling as breath. “I’m slow. I’m not catching on. I’m…putting myself and everyone around me in danger, and it’s…ah, right there!…really starting to get to me.”
“See? That’s why you need a big strong man to watch out for you.” That tone was in his voice, teasing, flirtatious. She was powerless against it. Except when she was very, very annoyed.
“Yeah, well, one of these days, big strong man won’t be there. Frozen, flaming, out cold — let’s face it, you’re hardly indestructible. And that’s when something bad’s going to happen. Because I’m no good at what I do.”
“You’re going to be fine!” he said. “You just need more practice.” One hand made a detour into her auburn hair and began to gently massage her scalp. “So some people aren’t born killers. Is that anything to be ashamed of?”
“But I’m not a born anything!” She could feel the pout coming back. The anger, the resentment, the feeling that nothing was fair, bubbled to the surface. She missed her friends, her family, her neighbors. She missed Shianni most of all. She hated the way she’d had to leave her cousin, broken in body and spirit. That fucking Vaughn…
“Well. I’d beg to differ about that.” He reached up to play with the tendrils at the nape of her neck.
“You would, huh? So just what am I good at?”
Silence. See? He had no answer. He chuckled but said nothing, and resumed massaging her shoulders.
“Look, you started this. What am I good at?”
He paused again. Then that tone came back into his voice. “Kal. You know.”
It was a struggle to roll over, but she finally managed it. She glared at him and pulled the sheet up to her chin. “That’s all you can think of? You make it sound like I grew up doing that. Or had a lot of practice. I didn’t. And I don’t know if I’m ‘good at it.’ Neither do you! Just who do you have to compare me to?”
Before she knew what was happening, he’d grabbed her wrists with both hands and forced them over her head. “Kal. I don’t need anyone to compare you to. Just trust me.” He said it with a laugh, but there was a glint in his eye. He was rarely like this, unless he’d just come out of a fight or had too much to drink. He was supposed to be comforting her. Instead, he was coming on to her. And when he did it this way, even after all this time, sometimes she still felt a rush of panic. It was hard to forget. Physically, they were so much alike.
Should she be embarrassed? Turned on? Pointless to wonder, as they were both happening at once.
“So what if I am?” She stuck her chin out at him. “Should I ask Leliana to help me become a bard? Maybe that’s how I’d work best. I heard what you said to her once. It would even work on a man like you…”
She knew immediately she’d gone too far. He sat back on his heels and looked away, and his arms fell to his sides. “Look, what do you want from me? You have a bad day, I give you a back rub. You say you aren’t good at anything, I give you a compliment. Granted, maybe it wasn’t the best thing to say…” He reached down and stroked her cheek. “You’re smart. That’s all you need. Zevran’s right. Use your mind, not your body. It’s more your style.”
Maybe they knew what they were talking about. Maybe she should stop judging herself on a skill she didn’t possess, and leave the backstabs to Zevran. But she didn’t like not being up close, not being able to see what was going on. It made her worry.
“All right. Know what? I’ll try it. Can’t hurt, right?” She put her arms behind her head and gazed up at him. Even when she was being grumpy, he was so kind, so gentle. And always so handsome. Especially for a shem. “I’m using my mind right now. Can you tell what I’m doing?”
Silently, she answered her own question, urging him to hear it. Undressing you in my mind, you big lug.
“Making that face?” Smiling, he pinned her again, one-handed this time, and traced his index finger across her collarbone. “Better stay away from bookmakers. I’ve got a pretty good idea.”
I don’t know how I missed seeing this until now (maybe it was before I came back?) I’m going to conjure up my headcanon Kallian Tabris later and show it to her. She’d like it as much as I do. <3
